Who am I?

Hello everyone!

My name is Audeline and I am from Belgium, currently living in Germany. I choose to write in English because I think it will be easier to share my story with the most people but it is not my mother tongue.

Here is (a part of) my story.

When I was a teenager, I had to stay a lot at home because of health issues. I also had to take a medication that totally messed up my eating habits and made me obese. Needless to say that going back to school after that didn't go so well... It took me years to feel better about it but still now, I have anxiety attacks and crisis of binge eating. These crisis appear when I don't feel secure - more and more often.

Long story short, I don't feel secure when I feel overwhelmed. I feel like that when I am in a crowd for instance (let's say that if there are three people surrounding me closely, it is a crowd) and I have the feeling not to be able to "escape". And sadly, I also feel like that at home lately.

One year ago, I moved to Germany, in a furnished apartment. It is temporary, but still. I came here with my boyfriend, not knowing the language. Hearing people around me speaking another language just makes me feel really bad. I made some agoraphobic crisis here that led to binge eating crisis, staying inside. Also the apartment is pretty big and the landlady left a bunch of stuff we don't need. I thought "It is an old lady, it is temporary, I don't care, I can live with that". But I can't. It is too much. That, plus the fact that I own also a bunch of stuff that - I have to admit - I don't need.

It feels like it asks me too much energy and that I don't have enough energy to do all the things I want/need. Sometimes, I even end up doing nothing because I just don't know what to do anymore: it seems that I am doing the same useless things over an over again...

This situation lasts for a long time now and I need a change in my life because I am stuck: I don't move forward in life as I would like. This blog is like a diary to me, where I want to share with you my progress, my experiences, the useful resources I find and through that, I want to help others who have the same issues and who wants to change.

Thank to all of you for reading!